Written by Auntie Jean
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Friday, 27 June 2014

The FA has announced that football shirts can only be made from edible fabric and must be available in 20 standard flavours. The decision stems from a number of players suing the F.A after swallowing pieces of shirt while carrying out biting manoeuvres.

A spokesperson told our reporter this morning "I don't know what all the fuss is about, spoiled brats always bite and nip their enemies or hit them with handbags."Conceptual flavour expert Heston Blumenthal has been commissioned to create the flavours including an intriguing new flesh, apricot and chocolate mint flavour.

Edible fabrics have been around since Roman times when the nature loving Christians wore them to please the lions which were eating them. Christian flavours commonly available at the time were Salt'n Vinegar, Cheese and Onion, Plain, Smokey Pork and Barbequed Toe flavours. A Hestonus Blumenthalus flavour, mushroom and raspberry is documented by Claudius.

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