Written by Jack Allen
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Wednesday, 18 June 2014

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Commentators and panel experts covering the World Cup on both the BBC and ITV have been accused of making as many errors and poor comments as possible to boost ratings, as well as increase newspaper and social media coverage.

According to insiders, ITV officials have continued to inform Andy Townsend and Adrian Chiles to make ridiculous comments that have previously caused multiple suicides of football connoisseurs across the county. Knowing that ITV have received higher ratings with incredibly poor coverage, the BBC have allegedly told their staff to follow suit during the World Cup, with Jonathan Pearce struggling to grasp the most basic of technological concepts, Phil Neville taking numerous nytol before commentating and Robbie Savage trying to converse on the same level as successful footballers. Due to the aforementioned, the World Cup coverage teams have so far received equal attention from fans and critics as the impressive tournament itself.

Twitter and Facebook users, as well as journalists, have been highly critical with some coming to the same conclusion as Trevor Brooking, who released the following statement today: "Can we really believe that a seasoned football commentator cannot understand goal-line technology? That Phil Neville was properly vetted and hired on merit? That we need to hear Ian Wright try and convince us that he knows what day it is? All these mistakes on their own could be overlooked but together come across as a clear ploy by the BBC and ITV to get people talking through intentionally lowering the already low standards of football coverage, No organisations can be so inept that all of these mistakes can be overlooked. They (BBC and ITV) have to be utilising the 'controversy creates cash' theory."

Could both channels be lowering the bar to such a position that even the most unintelligent football fan feels superior when tuning into watch to improve ratings? The BBC and ITV have strenuously denied the above accusations and have not told their staff to pretend to be incapable of giving a valid, interesting and impartial opinion. Whilst the above is denied, both channels have admitted to wanting a commentator with charisma, however both are unable to hire as Andy Townsend and Sam Matterface are signed on long-term contracts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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