Written by j.w.
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Sunday, 15 June 2014

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Carol Regards Disgruntled Rooney

England lost 2-1 to Italy in our first World Cup game in Brazil because we had no one to match the Italian centre forward Bartendi.

England Manager, Roy Stodgeson, complained that England had no one with Bartendi's height to score a vital equalising goal. Asked why he hadn't gone with the option of having West Ham's Carol on the bench, Stodgeson commented that 'Carol would have been ideal if the World Cup had been scheduled for the Winter months. But Carol in the Brazilian heat would have been absurd.'

The Queen, who seldom comments on England's footballing performances broke from her tea party at Buckingham Palace and announced: 'My Government believes that Carol should have been on with his head.'

The Manager of the Queen's Park Rangers, busy shooting stags in Richmond Park, suggested that a last minute scorer was something Stodgeson should have had up his sleave.

Spoof's football pundit, Jerry West, tweeted from Brazil that 'Lewis Carol was the obvious choice as a man of stature to be available in the last 15 minutes of the match.'

It looks as if there will be no Wonderland in Brazil for England this time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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