Today the BBC reported on England's accommodation in Brazil. The rooms that the players will be staying in feature couches and mattresses that are HIV positive, Behind the hotel is a favella that resonates enough gunfire to ensure that none of the players will get a decent night's sleep. In front of the hotel is a beach that contains more turds than an average gate at Stamford Bridge.
Why, one must ask, are the elite of England's football, required to stay in such pitiful lodgings. The answer is that England's financial backers are no longer sure that they can loot and pillage Scotland's oil revenues after September 19th and are, as they put it, "preparing to meet the dismal financial future we face after Scotland leaves us to fend for ourselves."
Reportedly, a lot of Brazil's customs agents are looking forward to a windfall when they get the opportunity to search the English players after their team plays its mandatory 3 games and goes home. How, they wonder, will players like Rooney, pay for their nightly indiscretions, especially when they have to pay a premium to persuade their ladies of the night to make the dangerous journey to their dubious hotel. Smuggling illicit narcotics is about the only way the English players can support their seedy lifestyles without the support of Scotland's natural wealth and the upholders of Brazil's national honour and integrity intend to make the most of it.