Written by Cool Papa Bell
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Friday, 6 June 2014

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON, SOUTH BEACH --The Miami Heat have hired legendary gymnastics coach Bela Karolyi to carry their star LeBron James up and down the court in case his cramping persists in the NBA finals against the San Antonio Spurs.

"You can do it LeBron!" were the words of encouragement from Karolyi, most famous for carrying Kerri Strug to the podium after she injured her ankle on the gold medal-winning vault in the team competition at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta.

Karolyi said that although LeBron is at least 170 pounds heavier than Strug, carrying him will be no problem.

"I once carry 10 female gymnasts having the lady cramps, like LeBron," said the Romanian native Karolyi. "LeBron don't have to be embarrassed. I hug him, I cuddle him, I give him kiss on forehead. I make LeBron feel better."

The four-time NBA most valuable player and MVP of the two past championship finals left the floor with cramps with 3:59 remaining in game one at San Antonio, where the air conditioning wasn't working.

Karolyi, who was watching the game, said he wished he could have been there to throw LeBron over his shoulders and carry him down the court like the big bag of dog food he buys for his pet Doberman Boris at Walmart.

"I would caress him, give him wet towel on forehead, pat him on butt. Be tender," said Karolyi."I take care of LeBron like he my grandma. But I no let things get weird between us."

Karolyi said he is available to carry other injured, drunken or lazy athletes, world leaders, musicians or celebrities.

"I once carry Maria Sharapova but she puke on the USA emblem on my sweat suit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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