Written by Jack Allen
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Tuesday, 3 June 2014

image for Fair Play Dead: Women's Curling Team Fail Drugs Test
Will the curling team be able to find other work? Only time will tell...

Fair play has officially taken its final breath and soiled its pants as the entire Canadian curling team had their Winter Olympics Gold medals revoked this morning, after testing positive for steroid abuse amongst other banned substances.

Drug use in sport has been prevalent for decades with athletes such as Dwaine Chambers, Lance Armstrong and Spanish tennis players (give it time), penetrating the vagina of sport, giving it orgasms that it will look back upon with regret and shame.

The Canadian team has made themselves and their nation look incredibly foolish, as they have been caught taking steroids in Russia, arguably the home of steroid abuse. Former tennis star turned politician Marat Safin had the following to say.

"Trying to get away with steroid abuse in Russia is as dumb as trying to put a funny ha ha joke into an episode of Miranda and hoping no one will notice. Of course people will notice! It would stand out by a mile! We have dealt with stupidity before but not on this level. If any of us (Russians) had the ability to pull a shocked face, we would."

With curling becoming the latest sport to be added to the list of drugs shame, sports governing bodies and fans across the world must now wonder if any sport, at any level, is truly drugs-free. On the back of this latest tragedy, UEFA have already claimed that all Spanish, German and English football teams are all "100% clean", but have issued no evidence to back-up their claim. UEFA did of course attempt to send evidence in 2013 to the relevant authorities but the evidence, including numerous blood-bags, were "lost" through the Spanish courts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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