Written by Jaggedone
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Friday, 30 May 2014

image for UK soccer gossip columns convinced Man United are signing 5000 new players!
just a fraction of United's new squad!

Man United's new manager, Louis van Gaal, is signing 5000 new players according to the gossip columns in the UK tabloids.

After United's demise last season every single newspaper is offering King Louis advice on who to buy and the list has reached 5000 according to the latest figures.

Man United have not denied that they need 5000 new players to return to the top so the speculation continues and King Louis doesn't give a Dutch damn or dyke because he's too busy preparing the Dutch national team for the World cup.

However, he did give one statement to Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) and here it is:

"Gottverdomme, vat a stupid question of course I need 5000 new players to take United back to the top, the more the merrier as long as they are all Dutch, speak Double Dutch and do not answer back!"

Above is an insight into King Louis tactics, wave after wave of different United players, week in week out so the opposition don't know who the hell they are playing against, ingenious!

One player who is not happy being surrounded by 5000 competitors for his place is Wayne Rooney and he was last seen stamping his feet in anger at an England training session! The England coach was very impressed because at least Wayne is now moving his feet, something he never usually does whilst playing for England!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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