Written by Catchthisdrift
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Tuesday, 22 April 2014

image for NFL Still Won't Let Girls Play
NFL players looking for lost contact lens.

New York City - The National Football League (NFL) has decided that they aren't going to let girls play during the 2014-2015 season. The NFL has made that same decision since the roots of its formation in 1920.

The consensus of the owners of all 32 NFL teams as well as most of the members of the player's union is that women are simply too small and frail to play football at the professional level. A secondary consideration is that almost all of the male players would balk at blocking let alone tackling a woman, even if she were the same physical size as they are. Off the record, some players expressed the sentiment that girls are icky. Also, their clubhouse is only for boys - no girls allowed. Plus, if they had to tackle a girl, they might accidentally touch one of her boobies. The possible boobie-touching was not only included in "icky" but also garnered an additional fear of catching cooties.

The joint statement from NFL corporate and the owners said that women are perfectly acceptable as cheerleaders and sideline sportscasters. The statement also said that girls shouldn't be allowed in the announcer's booth to 'call' the games for broadcast television, not even for really bad teams that have no hopes of ever making it to the playoffs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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