Written by Jack Allen
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Sunday, 20 April 2014

image for Mourinho Blames Toilet For Missing The Target
"Right! Move on three..."

After getting drunk to forget the devastating loss to Sunderland, Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho blamed his toilet for not being in the right place as a lot of his excrement missed the target.

Behind closed doors, Jose has been cleaning up his mess because of the troublesome toilet, which had been faithful to him since it was installed in 2013. Jose has also phoned the company that installed the toilet, explaining that he expects his toilet to take his crap, regardless of the substance of the content it's given.

Insiders at Chelsea FC have said that Jose has previously "pebble dashed at public events", but got away with it because he always blamed it on the person before him.

Jose is furiously preparing a monologue to respond to the incident, which is rumoured to be ready for public consumption next May.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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