Written by Jack Allen
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Russia, curling

Monday, 5 May 2014

image for Curling Coverage Has Led To Russian Employment Increase In The UK
Holds a broom tightly, but not too tight, with her middle finger and thumb.

The employment of Russian females in the UK has spiked drastically over the past 2 months due to the BBC's extensive coverage of the Winter Olympics and the overall attractiveness of the women's Russian curling team.

According to various sources across the country, British men in the twilight of their lives have spiced things up a bit by hiring Russian females as au pairs and requested their new Russian employees to vigorously clean as they let out a yell.

Due to the vast numbers of Russians being employed, the government has been under fire from UKIP about British jobs not going to British women. But the argument that British women could carry out the au pair role to the level of attractiveness set by the Russians has been quickly nullified by everyone who has previously encountered a British woman.

Homes for the elderly are also now looking into employing Russian carers because of this development. One manager of a residential home has said: "Because they (the Russians) ask for less money and are popular with the males, the elderly will choose to die with us. For these old guys it'd be like getting Charlize Theron cleaning their balls when they were promised Katie Hopkins. However, as always we will need to keep them (the elderly) away from the internet because if they embraced it they'd probably lose interest and then have to slightly rename their handkerchiefs."

Make Jack Allen's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 5?

9 5 20 8
65 readers are online right now!

Go to top