Written by Jack Allen
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Friday, 23 May 2014

image for Adrian Chiles Is Wayne Rooney From The Future!
Adrian Chiles is also hosting the extended highlights programme

The government has revealed today that Adrian Chiles is actually Wayne Rooney from the year 2033!

Adrian Chiles has been the awkward face of the ITV football coverage team for an eternity plus seven, with no clear justification ever being issued by ITV. However, the reason was revealed today by Boris Johnson in an unusually long winded fashion.

"Adrian Chiles is from the future but he is not actually Adrian Chiles. He is Wayne Rooney from the year 2033. Wayne became an alcoholic, gained 60 pounds and suffered 2 colossal strokes due to the unparalleled level of abuse he received following a predictably poor outing at Brazil 2014. He was sent back to warn us all about our behaviour and attitudes towards celebrities and athletes. We should support our athletes and celebrities, otherwise who knows who will be sent back in future! For example, Mezut Ozil could come back and give thousands of football fans leukemia. Woody Allen could come back as an actual peadophile. We need to be respectful."

If the nation does not heed the warning relayed through Boris, it is rumoured that Adrian Chiles will stay as the unwanted face of football on ITV for another 10 years, as a reminder to all of us that if we decide to ridicule footballers, it needs to be done in the right fashion.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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