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Monday, 13 November 2006

image for Rutgers & Boise State to Meet in Unwanted Bowl

There are only four undefeated, untied teams in major college football and one will fall this week as #1 Ohio State faces #2 Michigan. The other two programs, however, are like Rodney Dangerfield as they "don't get no respect."

Rutgers has a perfect, unblemished record and may finish the season that way. Boise State, once again, has a perfect, unblemished record and may finish the season that way. Both are getting little or no respect from the BCS and both may be snubbed from the five BCS games.

Officials from the Cotton Bowl in Dallas have come up with a solution to the problem and invited both teams to play in the first "Unwanted Bowl."

Dan Fishingwaders of the Boise State athletic department was pleased with the invitiation. "The Cotton Bowl has a great and storied history. A lot of national champions came out of that game. We all remember some of the great SMU, TCU, Arkansas, Texas, and Texas A&M teams of the past and the Hall of Fame Players like Earl Campbell, Slingin' Sammy Baugh, and Bobby Lane. It would be an honor for us to play in such a prestigious bowl game against such a strong opponent.

Lyle Bookmarker of Rutgers, while pleased with the invitation, was also upset at the BCS. "I really think that the letter C in BCS is silent. We beat number three ranked Louisville. We beat a great Pitt team. We still got top ten team West Virginia on our schedule, but we've got momentum. We should be playing for the national championship. If they went with that plus one thing they've been talking about, our winner should play the winner of the other big game for the championship. We're pleased with Dallas and the Cotton Bowl committee for inviting us down here, but we ought to be playing in the Fiesta Bowl or Sugar Bowl or one of those games."

Skip Pointspread, computer analyst for the BCS Committee, issued the following statement: "We're happy that the Cotton Bowl decided to take these two crybabies off our hands. We at the BCS and in the BCS conferences represent what we feel is the cream of college football today, and we don't want these wannabes crashing our party. National Championships are supposed to be won by teams from the traditional power schools, not by a team that plays on blue artificial grass (Boise State's Smurf Turf). Maybe we just need to create a different level of football and have a new division. All these little schools have been good for our letting our teams run over them, run up the score, set individual records, and bring in money from happy boosters. Why can't they just stay in their place?"

The last team from a non-major conference to win the national championship was 1984s BYU. Former assistant coach of that undefeated team, Joseph Eightwives, said this in a telephone interview from his compound in Colorado City, Arizona: "If you win 'em all, you should win it all. Wins is what does it fer ya. We won 'em all that year and no one else did. We had the best team, the best players, the best coaches, and the best cheerleaders. Heck, I should know that last part, cuz I married three of em!"

The Cotton Bowl, this years Unwanted Bowl, will be played on New Years day but will not be televised on any major network. Fox Sports Idaho will cover the game for those who can receive it on satellite.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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