Written by Auntie Jean
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Friday, 18 April 2014

image for Osborne - I Have Created "Ministry of Ticket Touting" to Cash in on F.A. Cup Ticket Fiasco

The newly created Ministry of Ticket Touting is to make £50 million for the treasury by posting Civil Servant touts around Wembley on Cup Final days.

The surprise lack of sufficient tickets for either side in the match has resulted in a frenzy of touting, but the Government is creating a "Windfall" situation by touting on E Buy and major Social Networking sites. Additionally there will be a second wave of Government touts selling tickets bought from other Government touts. The touts will also sell bootleg Spanish cigarettes.

The Civil Servants will all have gold plated Pension Pots but will not carry the valuable pots with them on touting days due to a recent spate of muggings outside football stadiums, resulting in some "Chavs" getting fantastic pensions. The Government is thought to be moving into High Street counerfeit cigarette selling and Russian Pirate Dvd touting, creating billions of pounds in extra revenue and thousands of new Civil Service jobs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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