Written by Jack Allen
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Friday, 18 April 2014

image for Chinese Player Performs Miracle on FIFA 14
A testing task for the Ameobi brothers

Li Win Don, a Chinese teenager living in China has become the first player to unlock the secret code on FIFA 14 after he scored with both Ameobi brothers in the same match.

The miracle feat occurred at 14:30 GMT last Wednesday, to which EA Sports have responded by saying: "We thought this code would never be unlocked due to the sheer level of difficulty of the task. We actually replaced Shola's legs with rigid metal poles to make the task nigh on impossible! Li Win Don will now be included in the making of next year's secret task."

The secret task had been hidden within previous FIFA releases but only 0.0000015% of gamers had chosen to play as Newcastle United, and only 0.002% of those players started both of the brothers because they are smarter than those who continue to play Pro Evolution Soccer.

Rumours surrounding next year's secret task are rife, with the most popular three suggestions on the Internet shocking FIFA bashers worldwide.
1) Get the commentators to praise either Stoke City or Fulham for their "amazing technical ability" and "ease on the eye" in the same season on career mode.
2) Put Danny Welbeck into the starting XI when Wayne Rooney and Robin Van Persie are both fit to play.
3) Hit Luis Suarez in the face with the ball so hard that he no longer looks like a spoilt rat child who's had his milk temporarily hidden.

Li Win Don is believed to be "fucking enjoying" the secret code, which allows him to block online users from playing as Barcelona or Real Madrid against him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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