Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 16 April 2014

image for Hull City FA Cup Semi-Final Victory Down To Hull Man's Beard - Claim
Kenwood looking worried at halftime

The outcome of the exciting FA Cup Semi-Final tie between Premier League Hull City and their Yorkshire rivals Sheffield United on Sunday was due almost entirely to a Hull man's beard, according to a claim made this morning.

The astonishing claim was made by long-time Tigers fan, Moys Kenwood, who had, since last Wednesday, remained unshaven as he had forgot to buy new razor blades.

Having travelled to Pattaya for the holiday weekend with his girlfriend, Kenwood decided the 'beard' might bring his favourites the good luck they would need to overcome the feisty Blades, and courted his '5 o'clock shadow' look.

Aiming to partially negate the effects of the intimidating-looking Muslim-style beard being sported by United defender John Brayford, Kenwood watched with ever-growing glee (and beard!) as his Hull heroes fought back from a potentially humiliating 2-1 halftime deficit to finally sweep aside the gallant efforts of the League One South Yorkshire outfit.

Said Kenwood:

"I'm not usually superstitious, but I'm sure this victory was down to my beard!"

Hull City manager Steve Bruce later told us:

"It was a hard-fought victory with no quarter asked for or given. A good, honest contest between two gritty sides with the ultimate prize of a Wembley final at stake. I think, in the end, though, our lads showed their mettle, and that their Premier League know-how was too much for United, but it was also due, in no uncertain terms, to that man's beard. Bring on the Arses!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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