Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 11 April 2014

image for Baseball To Ban Sliding Headfirst Into 1st Base
Research studies have shown that 94% of all baseball fans hate to see players sliding headfirst into 1st base.

NEW YORK CITY - Major League Baseball's Board of Rules has stated that it plans to issue a ban on the age old baseball play of sliding headfirst into 1st base.

The MLBBR stated that ever since the first batter slid into first base that particular type of play has been regarded as silly as hell looking.

All throughout the ages even kids as young as 6 and 7 have laughed whenever an adult player chose to slide instead of running at full speed and touching the bag while standing up.

The MLBBR pointed out that so far this season there have been two injuries to players simply because they decided to slide headfirst into 1st base.

One player Yasiel Puig of the Los Angeles Dodgers did it and as a result he suffered a very painful belly button injury.

Another player Josh Hamilton with the California Angels slid headfirst and bruised his groin gadget (pecker) pretty bad.

In fact, Hamilton's wife was furious with him when he got home because she said that his pubic region will be out of commission for anywhere from 6 to 9 days.

SIDENOTE: The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has shown that runners do not really get to 1st base any quicker by sliding headfirst into the base.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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