Sochi, Black Sea - Figure skaters competing in this year's Winter Games have complained that Russian sports authorities deliberately turned down the temperature on the Olympic skating rink knowing it would adversely affect athletes unable to wear thermals.
The temperature drop has resulted in scores of competitors complaining of fanny frostbite and freezing scrotum syndrome after taking a tumble on the minus 10F rink.
Commenting on the epidemic the Olympic Professor of Genital Wellbeing said he'd seen up to a dozen blackened asses in the Sochi First Aid tent where patients were being offered vodka rubdowns to deal with the problem.
"First sign of frostbite is loss of pubic hair and some unpleasant itching," Dr Einstein Flintstone said this evening, "followed by a raging thirst for a damn big tequila."
He's also recommending an early night with a nice warm hot water bottle, "filled 50/50 with Bloodyvosock vodka and Caspian Sea champagne."