Written by dustylewis
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Wednesday, 19 February 2014

image for SEC Continues Football Dominance by Winning Gay Football National Championship

As most of America is well aware now, Michael Sams, Defensive Back from the University of Missouri, recently came out publicly and stated that he is gay and has been during his time with Mizzou. This was a landmark event because there has never been an NCAA football player to openly admit to the public that he is gay. He is also set to make history by being the first openly gay athlete to enter the NFL draft.

With this recent story, Missouri has taken advantage of this opportunity and have already claimed another National Title for the school and Southeastern Conference whom with they are a member. The SEC has gained national prominence by winning 7 BCS National Championship titles in a row. Their streak was cut short this year due to Auburn failing to beat the Florida State Seminoles and their Freshman QB Jameis Winston.

The SEC will not let Auburn being a failure keep them down for long though. The University of Missouri and the SEC have already talked with the Lesbian and Gay community, and together they have come up with the Gay Football National Championship trophy. It is a large bust of Michael Sams that will be awarded annually to the gayest team in college football. Students all over the University of Missouri have been heard shouting "SEG,SEG,SEG", a spinoff of the ever popular SEC chant. It stands for Southeastern Gays and the SEC's dominance in all areas of sport, now including sexual preference.

This theory has been gaining steam around the other schools in the conference as well. Teams are now actively recruiting gay athletes out of high school, hoping to add another banner of success to the conference's already full trophy case. Auburn has been touting that being gay will be encouraged with their players. They are showing recruits how spacious and dark their showers and locker rooms can be. They are also emphasizing how there are many blocks of dorms that are not coed. And they are even trying to change the meaning of the Gus Bus, the nickname for head coach Gus Malzahn and his system at Auburn. I won't go into details of the new meaning on here, but you can infer for yourself.

The SEC has always been on the forefront of advancement in college sports, and this is just another example they are taking a lead on. Years from now, everyone will be looking back and wondering why they weren't the first to take advantage of something so obvious. That rainbow colored banner flying high in Missouri Football Stadium marks the starting point for college sports. Gay football is here. Don't get left behind.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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