Written by Wumf
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Wednesday, 19 February 2014

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Sochi paddy wagon

SOCHI, RUSSIA - A group of "hefty" Russian people were arrested today at the Olympics for protesting the lack of equality for heavier athletes at the winter games.

A spokesman for the protestors pointed out that while the summer Olympics has events like shot put, weightlifting, wrestling, and hammer throw - all events that "hefty" people can excel at, the winter Olympics, has no events appropriate for heavier Endomorphic body types.

Sergei Popovitch, explained the group's position through a translator, "We feel the winter Olympics is bias against two thirds of the world's Northern population groups, who tend to eat more to increase their body mass. We have to, to stay warm!"

"You see a lot of tall skinny Ectomorph athletes who ice skate and ski, or the strong muscular Mesomorph athletes who speed skate, play hockey, or do the bobsled or luge, but do you see any heavier athletes like us? NO! NYET.....!"

Popovitch was not able to finish the interview because he was whisked away by Olympic security along with the rest of the protestors. The police had to use a garbage truck to haul away the protestors because they couldn't fit them all into the two police vans that were already at the Olympic site.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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