Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 14 February 2014

image for NASCAR Legend Richard Petty Hits Danica Patrick Below The Belt and She Hits Him Right Back
Danica Patrick is one of the most eligible bachelorettes in the entire USA.

TARZANA, California - Danica Patrick, the Darling of NASCAR, had just finished filming a public service commercial at The Gary Busey International Speedway when she was approached by a reporter with Sporting Chance Magazine.

Hercules Confetti asked the petite race car driver what she thought about Richard Petty's comments about her racing ability.

Danica grinned and said that Little Dicky is just upset because he knows he has entered into the category of a NASCAR has-been.

Richard Petty, who is 76, recently told reporters that follow the NASCAR racing circuit that Danica is simply a novelty. He said that truth be told she is way too skinny to be a race car driver.

He then added that she's also flat-chested and does not represent what NASCAR is all about.

When asked by Confetti what exactly NASCAR is all about Petty took a sip of his Papaya Margarita and said that NASCAR is all about beer bellied fellas and big bosomed gals who are as red, white, and blue as one can get.

He then pointed out that he has never liked the spotlight-seeking Danica and confessed that the only way the Human Q-Tip will ever win a NASCAR Sprint Cup is if all of the other race car drivers drive in reverse.

When Danica was told of Petty's remarks she became a bit perturbed. She said that it appears that Little Dicky must have missed his daily dosage of Viagra pills.

She then commented that the old relic really needs to retire that silly old cowgirl hat he has been wearing for the past 60 or so years.

Danica giggled as she said that he probably doesn't realize it, but the cowgirl hat makes him look like a gay San Francisco drugstore cowboy.

She then added that his cockroach-looking moustache is rumored to be the home to half a dozen gnats.

The NASCAR darling then winked and said that if Little Dicky gets any skinnier he's gonna look like a pencil with one hell of an ugly-looking eraser.

SIDENOTE: It appears that the PP (Petty-Patrick) Feud will most likely continue. Sporting Chance Magazine will keep you abreast of any further developments as they develop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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