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Wednesday, 12 February 2014

image for Topless Lebanese Olympic skier Jackie Chamoun's ass saved by US frostbite salve manufacturer
Frostbitten nipples? Try our magic balm!

Sochi, Black Sea - A US pharma company has offered to rescue Lebanese Olympic skier Jackie Chamoun's snow games career after she was censured by her country's culture ministry for skiing topless in the Women's Freestyle at Sochi.

Owners of Arkansas-based Little Rock Chilblain Corp were maddened to learn that naturist Ms Chamoun would likely be expelled from the Lebanese national team for this morning's daring baring.

That would spell the end of the athlete's career unless a wealthy sponsor comes forward to back her upcoming races.

So the Arkansas pharma company is sending a crate of their top-selling nipple cream to help initially with the frostbite that's resulted from Jackie taking her kit off on the slopes when temperatures hit an unprecedented 68F.

By the time Chamoun reached the racetrack's finish line temperatures had plunged to MINUS 5 (ouch!), causing icicles to from on the hapless contestant's tits.

"Nudists at Little Cock Naturist Reserve swear by this stuff, I tell you," medical director at the company, Ludo Quaalude commented, "produces instant results for anything up to and including second degree frostbite of the areoles."

Meanwhile Olympic organizing committee stewards are studying video footage of Chamoun's record-breaking run which has earned her a place in the final six tomorrow.

The Men's Downhill Slalom for fully clothed athletes begins tomorrow morning at 10am local time.

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