Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 9 February 2014

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The people of Samoa took to the streets to protest the SOOC decision to ban Tuituitama Lemkala.

SOCHI, Russia - The country of Samoa is extremely upset as they have just learned that their pride and joy speed skater Tuituitama Lemkala has been disqualified by the Sochi Olympics Organizing Committee.

SOOC Spokeswoman Tula Tambova did verify that the Samoan speed skater was in fact disqualified from the XXII Olympics.

It appears that Mr. Lemkala failed to meet the required weight limit, which is set at 191 pounds.

An official with SOOC informed the world wide media that Mr. Lemkala tipped the scales at 313 pounds, or 122 pounds over the weight limit.

The Samoan speed skater pleaded his case by saying that the reason he is so heavy is because it is hereditary. He explained that his maternal grandmother Fareeshona Gibbons weighed 294 at the age of 91.

SIDENOTE: Tula Tambova stated that the SOOC felt bad for Tuituitama Lemkala but stressed that rules are rules and if one is overweight even by 2 pounds he or she runs the risk of getting disqualified.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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