Written by Keith Shirey
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Friday, 31 January 2014

image for Best Name For Super Bowl, Stoner or Bud Bowl?
YEAH MAN, WOW! I'M SO READY!

This Sunday the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos - the NFL teams from the two sates that have legalized marijuana - will play in the Super Bowl.

"We're calling it the 'Stoner Bowl,'" said Pete "Headbutt" Sayers of the Hawks.

All of us on the team will be wearing t-shirts under our jerseys with the name "THC HAWKS."

He added, " I'm tired of being called 'Headbutt,' at least for this game they should call me 'Weed'."

Last night two New Jersey bar patrons got into a fist fight over arguing which term is best, "The Stoner Bowl," or "Bud Bowl XLVIII." After finding out what caused the brawl the police, reportedly doubling up in belly laughter, let them go.

Serious tweets have gone across the nation demanding to know why a cannabis-friendly musician - say, Willie Nelson or Snoop Dogg - haven't been asked to sing the national anthem.

"I'm staying home and will be watching the Super Bowl while I light up my own Super Bowl," well-known stoner Tommy Chong, of the comedy duo Cheech and Chong, wrote on its Facebook page.

How many players will actually be playing high in the game is anybody's guess. Pain is the singular constant of the NFL. Maintenance of that pain is as vital to players as mastering the read-option; they have always self-medicated to heal from the game that breaks their bodies.

And given that marijuana is a legitimate pain reliever -- especially for the migraines that can be a byproduct of head trauma -- and is far less dangerous and potentially addictive than, say, OxyContin some savvy players are no doubt using it.

The New York Times estimates that some 40 to 50% of players smoke marijuana, but most probably for recreational use.

If it's the "Stoner Bowl" or "Bud Bowl" this Sunday it will be interesting to see how many clouds of smoke are to be viewed rising above the fans' heads in the closed Met life stadium. Enough, and all the fans will get smoked.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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