Written by Neil Levine
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Thursday, 26 October 2006

image for Tiger Kenny Rogers Riffs On Music And Gambling
You've Got To Know When To Hold Them

Busch Stadium, St. Louiee Loueye, Mo.---After the World Series is over, Kenny Rogers has promised various and sundry, particularly adoring teenage fans and grizzled old timers who attend games with a banjo on their knee, that he intends to go home and fiddle with his music, something of a riff in tribute to good times, good friends and good beer.

"After I put the Cards away, I intend to rock my baby to a Dixie melody and I'll croon love's tune on a getaway honeymoon. Far from the old folks at home. Old honey moon keep a shining in June. Your shivery beams will bring home dreams. I'll be cussing soon by the silvery moon--this afternoon on a silver honeymoon with my old banjo that my baby used to groove. I'm going back to my wife in Tennessee when one day she's going to call to me. Kenny, quick there goes the Robert E. Lee. Now I don't mind chopping wood but the night they drove old Dixie down, all the people were saying shake a leg so I intend to take home a blue ribbon, a platinum granny and a world serious ring and deposit my player's share in the bank where it belongs and where it will grow into a golden nest egg that I can count beans with."

"There will be no more fiddling with people's heart strings. No more exacting pitch counts. Instead I'm going to kick off my cleats and hunker down with some plain good old country music. It may not be cricket but who cares?"

As I've said before, "You have to know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away. Know when to cut and run."

"I am going to count my blessings and sit at the table. I'm going to count my money when the pitching's done. The game may be over, but please don't read me wrong. The post season has just begun."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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