Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 23 December 2013

image for NASCAR's Danica Patrick Admits She's As Happy As A Gopher In Soft Dirt
Danica says she's not quite ready to hang up her race car keys just yet. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

NEW YORK CITY - NASCAR driver Danica Patrick was in the Big Apple doing some last minute Christmas shopping.

She was approached by Taffeta Kixx with The Gossipette Gazette who asked her how she'd been feeling lately.

Danica responded by saying that she was as happy as a gopher in soft dirt.

Miss Kixx told her that she had done a fantastic job co-hosting the recent American Country Association Award Show with Trace Adkins.

Patrick responded by saying that she had about three bucketfuls of fun doing that award show gig and noted that it was a heck of a lot easier than driving at ridiculous speeds on NASCAR race tracks.

She smiled and said that since doing that show she has received close to 6,000 marriage proposals from every state in the union except for Arizona.

She pointed out that she also had offers of marriage from Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, and Afghanistan.

Danica said that she is not quite ready to hang up her NASCAR race car keys just yet.

She revealed that she has been approached by Dancing With The Stars about appearing as a dance contestant.

Danica took a deep breath and said that if she does the show she hopes that her professional partner will be Derek Hough.

She winked and said that she would be willing to pay the show's producer up to $4,000 and give him several laps around the race track if he can make that happen.

SIDENOTE: Danica vehemently denied the rumors that she had been seen intimately hugging Russell Brand out by the world famous Hollywood sign.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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