Written by Auntie Jean
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Monday, 2 December 2013

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Our fan base is not dwindling

Tottenham Hotspurs manager Andre Villas-Boas yesterday announced that he was not paranoid. "After all, paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you", he said.

There is a sinister agenda to undermine me. Anyway where is this Paranoia place, is it near Paraguay? I definitely think Alan Sugar should stop tweeting about me.

"I wonder why David Moyes and Manuel Pellegrini have not endured the criticism that I have. I think that when people call me Paranoid they mean Portuguese, its an easy mistake to make for normal people but everyone seems to gang up on me behind my back. Losing 6-0 seems to have upset some people but we have drawn 2-2 since then."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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