Written by Monkey Woods
Print this
Topics: David Moyes

Thursday, 31 October 2013

image for Moyes Quits!
Moyes at work before her decision to quit

The world of Manchester United Football Club was shaken to its very foundations earlier today when it was revealed that cleaning operative Madge Moyes, newly-recruited to the cleaning pool in the summer, had quit.

Moyes, 50, who had only been at Old Trafford since July, told a conference of fellow skivvies that things just weren't working out, and that she thought it was the right time for herself and United to go their separate ways.

According to one witness, Moyes said:

"I came here in the summer full of hope for the future, but everything's gone to shite!"

She went on:

"I'd been looking forward to getting that dust from behind the lockers, freshening-up Sir Alex's old office with some lemon scourer, and making some inroads with the scum at the tidemark of the team bath, but that's cleaning for you! No two days are different!"

She highlighted some of the reasons for her swift exit:

"I've not felt comfortable from the start. First there was that row I had with Cynthia over the mop, and then I left the top off the bleach. To round things off, last week, I hurt my fingernail when I picked up a broken hairdryer that was lying around."

United executives appeared stunned by the news of Moyes' resignation, but vowed to find a suitable replacement quickly. One said:

"This is the biggest club in the world. We will consider our options, and hope to have someone in place for Sunday's game against Fulham."

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 2?

3 10 7 13
47 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more