Written by Herr Riballs
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Monday, 16 September 2013

The tabloid press have admitted that they are struggling to come up with new puns based on the name of soccer star Wayne Rooney.

For many years, the red tops have substituted the words "you" and "who" with "Roo" such as "Roo don't know what you're doing" and "Roo are ya?". We've also seen "Wazza out for a month with a vaROOka". We've even had "The pain of Wayne lands mostly on the plane" and "Wayne gets his ROOts done."

Reporters were delighted at initial reports that Rooney had injured his knee in training and had prepared headlines proclaiming "It's Wayne Roo Knee."

The editor of one paper said "You can imagine our disappointment when we heard it was a gash to the head and not the knee. Clearly, Roo, Wazza or Shrek don't rhyme with head." He continued "Although Compo Cash Dash For Roo Gash could work."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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