Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 14 September 2013

image for NASCAR's Danica Patrick Seen Leaving Rob Pattinson's Malibu Beach House
Danica has just signed a contract to be a spokesperson for Erotic Mermaid Sunblock.

MALIBU BEACH - Danica Patrick, who was recently divorced from Dr. Paul Hospenthal, has reportedly stated that she wants to give the single girl world a spin (no pun intended).

Danica told Ambrose Appomattox with The Turnstile Review that she wants to be a bit of a party girl and experience the life that Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Miley Cyrus have but except without the booze, drugs, and ankle bracelet monitoring devices.

Patrick said that she can have fun without all kinds of extra additives. She also said that she prefers to remember everything that happened the next day without having to see all kinds of R-rated photos or news videos to remind her.

Appomattox allegedly saw the NASCAR beauty coming out of Rob Pattinson's Vampire Villa which is located on Malibu Beach.

She was wearing blue jean cutoffs and a Dallas Cowboys number 9 football jersey.

When Danica was asked the next day about her visit to RPattz' house she said that it was not her because on that night she was staying at her best friends house in Tarzana and they spent the evening watching a Cops marathon on the Epitome Television Network.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Number 9 on the Dallas Cowboys is Tony Romo.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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