David Cameroon cut short his holiday last night to fly home and deal with the impending Premier League transfer crisis.
'Call Me Dave' and Sam-cam were topping up their tan on their fifteenth mini-break of the year, staying on the recently renamed 'Island of Wealth' as a guest of rich Tory Donor Lord Bigpockets, who was recently awarded a knighthood, baronet and freedom of London all in one go.
Cameron ordered all MPs to return six days early so they could encourage transfers of Gareth Bale, Luis Suarez and Wayne Rooney, so they could receive the 20% VAT on the transfer fees, enough to finance a £10,000 pay rise for all MPs.
PM Cam was particularly concerned about the activities of Arsene Wenger and Arsenal United FC. "Dave was worried that Wenger did not see the window open due to his notorious short-sightedness" said a source close to the Conservative Leader. Nick Cleggy confirmed the House will also address the situation in Syria.