Flushing, New York -- With their superstar pitcher going down with a serious elbow ailment, the New York Mets have placed every one of its players on the 365 day Disabled List, essentially shutting down the team until further notice.
General manager Sandy Alderson explained the logic behind the decision. "Without Matt Harvey, the Mets are nothing. So what's the point of playing until we have him back?"
Mets manager Terry Collins added that the loss of the pitching ace has sent the Mets clubhouse into a collective depression. "We've hired a team psychiatrist to begin therapy with each and every one of our players," he said. "No one gets off the Disability List until the team shrink says so. Only then can we start swinging the bats again."
Fred Wilpon, principal owner of the team, believes that the shutdown actually will be beneficial for him and his partners. "This will free up the schedule at Citi Field for more concerts and other money-making events, without us worrying about trying to squeeze in a three-hour bore-fest that we're going to lose anyway."
Mets season-ticket holders will have the option of getting a partial refund or holding on to their tickets so that they can access Citi Field to watch the outfield grass grow.
"That can be more entertaining than many of the games we've played this year," Alderson said.
Collins pointed out that the new player development strategy has produced a new battle cry for the Mets. "We used to say, 'wait 'til next year.' Now we say, 'wait 'til next year, plus one more year after that at least.' "