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Friday, 16 August 2013

image for Voodoo curse holds up transfers on Premier League big potatoes
Rain is the only window action so far

Former Norwich, Wimbledon and England forward John Fashanu today sensationally claimed he had met a witch-doctor who has cursed the Premier League and is blocking the transfers of four big named players.

Fashanu, who is currently working in a butchers on Dorking High St, revealed the encounter happened while he was walking his pet Womble on Wimbledon Common."The guy appeared out of nowhere - well maybe from behind a tree. He then addressed me as Count John Dracula - I thought he'd been on the shandies all afternoon. But then he told me was a witch-doctor and he had put a spell on the Premier League - in a protest at high ticket and Satellite tv prices"

Fash, who was last seen on our telebox screens on the ITV series 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here' in 2003, continued the claims "He said his magical powers and rain dance had stopped the transfers of Luis Suarez to Arsenal, Wayne Rooney to Chelsea, Cesc Fabregas to Manchester United and Gareth Bale to Real Madrid. He said he has sent a ransom note to Rupert Murdoch care of the Sky Tv building in Isleworth, and is waiting for a billion bitcoin to be transferred to an offshore account before he will sanction any more high profile transfers, except to Manchester City, where he once worked as a barman during his university days"

A spokesman for Rupert Murdoch today denied any contact with a witch-doctor but refused any further questions as he urgently needed to 'check the weather channel for rain tonight' and 'deposit some money into the bank to cover some unexpected expenses'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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