Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 16 August 2013

image for A 16-Year-Old Shreveport, Louisiana High School Pitcher's Fastball Is Clocked at 109 MPH!
A batter being struck out by one of Corey Buttonbox's 109 mph fastballs.

SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - A student at Stonewall Jackson High School in Shreveport is getting some nationwide notoriety.

Corey Buttonbox, a 16-year-old sophomore who plays for the Stonewall Jackson Gators, has had his fastball repeatedly clocked at an amazing speed of 109 miles per hour.

Young Corey, whose nickname is Bullets, told Hercules Confetti with Sporting Chance Magazine that he remembers when he was just 8, one of his uncles clocked his fastball at 83 mph.

Corey's coach Cooper Riffinmeister said that when he first saw him fire one of his 109 mph fastballs, he swears that he saw some smoke coming from the catcher's mitt and he pointed out that it was not dust.

Corey wears number 34, just like his idol Nolan Ryan.

When asked about his curveball he says that he can get that baby up to about 93 mph which is unbelievable for a curveball.

Confetti asked him if he has a girlfriend. Corey grinned and replied that he has two girlfriends, Tish Tuckerhill, 16, and Pixie Kapinski, 18.

Coach Riffinmeister said that in the team's last game they defeated their district rivals The Zsa Zsa Gabor Gophers from Arcadia, Louisiana by a score of 7-0.

He proudly pointed out that Corey struck out 21 players, did not walk anyone, and he hit a triple and a home run to boot.

The coach grinned from ear-to-ear as he said that Corey even threw a knuckleball that was clocked at 89 mph.

SIDENOTE: Confetti said that Corey Buttonbox is already being pursued by several Major League Baseball teams including the Chicago White Sox, the Houston Astros, and the Milwaukee Brewers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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