Arsenal Football Club were in crisis last night, as the latest attempt to sign a living breathing non-retired footballer before the new EPL season starts were dealt a hammer blow when a credit card transaction to buy Luis Suarez was rejected.
A club insider at Liverpool told the spoof sports team that the Arsenal card limit was £40 million, but the club had bid £40 million and one pound - to trigger the transfer clause in the hungry Argentinians contract. "we asked them to split the payment on two cards, or pay the outstanding balance in cash - but the gunners head honcho walked off embarrassed with his tail between his legs".
Gobshite 'butter wouldn't melt' Suarez is still banned for a biting Chelsea player Ivanovith on the arm in a crucial match towards the end of the 2012/13 season, and has expressed his desire to leave and play Champions League football, instead of chumpions League football at Anfield.
Suarez and his advisers have denied he also bit the head off the Anfield Cat - who hasn't been seen since running on the pitch in a bore draw with Tottenham.