Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Sunday, 4 August 2013

image for Lance Armstrong To Endorse Stretch Armstrong Action Figure

Former champion cyclist and admitted cheater Lance Armstrong is reportedly taking an offer from the original toy maker to endorse a revived Stretch Armstrong action figure.

A spokesman says that the time is right to relaunch Stretch Armstrong, as toy collectors have coveted the original doll since it was discontinued in the 1980s.

Lance Armstrong, fresh out of money making ideas, has agreed to bulk up on steroids, dye his hair blond, and wear bikini bottoms in public. "What have I got to lose?", asks the real-life Armstrong. "Everybody knows my name now, right? And I need the damn money."

The action figure will retail for $29.95 and will be available for online purchase in time for the holiday shopping season. Shipping, however, will not be available via the US Postal Service until a few legal issues are worked out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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