Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Thursday, 1 August 2013

image for Shaquille O'Neal Begs For More Endorsement Opportunities

Retired basketball superstar Shaquille O'Neal is literally begging for additional endorsement opportunities, according to Shaq himself.

Mr. O'Neal implored, "Give me more stuff that I don't, won't, or can't possibly use to sell to people, PLEASE! If I can convince people that I drive some tiny, cheap-ass Buick, they'll believe anything."

Shaq, as he is commonly known, has reportedly hired agents to look into endorsements in such diverse areas as hair care, diet foods, pet health insurance, feminine protection, geriatric sex toys, and financial estate planning.

Sources close to Shaq said he has turned down repeated and generous endorsement offers from Casual Male XL, a national retailer of big and tall men's clothing. According to Shaq, "Ain't no way I'm doing that. Who would believe I shop there?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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