Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 23 July 2013

image for Milwaukee Brewer's Ryan Braun Suspended For 65 Games - Says He Has An Excellent Excuse
It looks like Ryan Braun will be watching the Brewer games on his wide screen high definition plasma TV.

MILWAUKEE - Well number 8 for the Milwaukee Brewers will be watching the remainder of the 2013 Brewers season from his home.

Major League Baseball has just issued Braun with a 65-game suspension for testing positive for Performance Enhancing Drugs or PED as it is commonly known throughout MLB dugouts and club houses.

The test also showed that Braun has been ingesting an unusually large amount of calories as well as water.

The suspension will cost Braun $3 million. He was contacted by Sports Balls Illustrated Daily's Rufus Reno and asked to comment.

Braun stated that he truly feels bad and is about as embarrassed as Charles "The Fat Bro" Barkley would be if he accidentally wandered into an Alabama Ku Klux Klan meeting.

The Milwaukee outfielder did say that he truly believes that the test was somehow incorrect because he knows that he has not used PED's and would not even know where to get them if in fact he wanted to use them, which of course he doesn't.

He told Reno that a close friend of his named Vinton Bunnyboo who is a biological chemist informed him that some times when a baseball player eats about 45 or so sunflower seeds and then chews a big wad of bubblegum a drug test could show up positive for PED.

Bunnyboo explained that it has something to do with the way the sunflower seed juice is absorbed into the inter-digestive system along with minute traces of bubblegum.

In Other News. Sarah Palin has stated that she has no desire to get into the wrestling ring against Nancy Pelosi as has been reported by the supermarket tabloid Say What?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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