Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 30 June 2013

image for Kyle Petty Insults Danica Patrick - She Responds By Saying That The Old Has-Been Can Kiss Her Seat Cushion
Danica has challenged Kyle Petty to race her at Tarzana's Gary Busey Intnernational Speedway but he declined.

SPARTA, Kentucky - NASCAR race driver Danica Patrick says that she has pretty much heard it all so she was not surprised when Kyle Petty took some cheap shots at her.

According to Tango Brisket with Sports Territory Magazine, Kyle "The Has Been" Petty has always been jealous of Danica and he takes every chance he gets to cut her down.

But what Kyle The Vile does not realize is that it is making him look like the biggest, most jealous slob in the racing business.

The 53-year-old Kyle, who many said rode into the business on his daddy Richard Petty's Wrangler Jeans pockets, is simply envious of all of the attention that the very attractive 31-year-old, divorcée receives.

Kyle stated that Danica drives fast but she is not a race car driver. That's kind of like saying that Nolan Ryan threw the baseball hard but he was not a baseball player.

A close friend of Kyle's said that the old geezer is still very upset over his recent botched up belly button surgery.

A nurse who spoke on grounds of anonymity told him that Mr. Petty's navel is now so huge that it could easily hold about half a dozen martini olives with enough room left over for a golf ball.

Kyle, who is employed as a commentator for the TV auto racing show Pit Stop Fumes also reportedly said about Danica that she wears way too much makeup, she dresses like Miley Cyrus, and she acts like Paris Hilton.

Danica responded by saying that the old crybaby has-been can kiss her seat cushion.

But perhaps the one remark that will get Kyle Petty in some trouble with NASCAR's female fans is when he stated that "Danica drives just like a woman."

SIDENOTE: Danica Patrick says she feels sorry for the old pervert-looking Petty and noted that he has been envious of her ever since Dale Earnhardt, Jr., told Kyle that Danica looked a heck of a whole lot better in her Daisy Duke short shorts than he did in his.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 5?

4 9 5 10
104 readers are online right now!

Go to top