NORTH ATTLEBORO, Massachusetts - It appears that New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has just found himself in a great big 44-gallon drum of hot water.
Police have issued an arrest warrant for #81 on three different grounds. Hernandez is charged with obstruction of justice, failure to answer questions in an audible manner, and for failure to stop repeating over and over "I'm a Patriots super star."
North Attleboro authorities have also filed a secondary charge of having way too many legally acceptable tattoos.
A spokesperson for the NAPD LaQueefa Hornpiper, 38, stated that Mr. Hernandez may end up playing football in prison.
Patriots Coach Bill Belichick was asked by Sporting Chance Magazine to comment on the Hernandez situation. The Pats coach made a face, groaned, and said that he will not comment on the subject until he hears what Anderson Cooper has to say on Anderson Cooper 360.
New England quarterback Tom Brady was also asked for a remark regarding his star receiver Aaron Hernandez and he simply asked, "Aaron who?"