WASHINGTON, D.C. - The owner of the Washington Redskins, Daniel "Danny Boy" Snyder, has been told hundreds of times that he needs to change his NFL's team name.
Many organizations have told him that they consider the name Redskins to be highly offensive and extremely derogatory to members of the Native-American community as well as to most caring fans.
Snyder has responded arrogantly by borrowing Taylor Swift's noted song decree and telling The Turnstile Review's Ambrose Appomattox "I will never, ever change the name of my football team. It is my team. The uniforms are my uniforms, the helmets are my helmets, and the balls are my balls."
The team owner took a bite out of his beef jerky and pointed out that even the damn, high-priced, stadium hot dogs are his damn, high-priced, stadium hot dogs.
And now the United States Congress has come into the fray. A group of ten senators calling themselves The White Friends of Sitting Bull have stated that Daniel Snyder is being extremely unreasonable and as difficult as trying to get Wynonna Judd to put down a piece of fried chicken.
The U.S. Congress has informed Old Stick-In-The-Mud, as Vice-President Joe Biden has nicknamed Snyder, that if he does not get with the program and drop the offensive name then he may find his whiteskin butt in jail.
SIDENOTE: Snyder has said that in lieu of changing the team name he may offer every Native-American Redskin season ticket holder a 10 cent discount on hot dogs, cotton candy, popcorn, souvenirs, and firewater (beer).