The National Racing Association announced today that four entrants into the recent Preakness tested positive for horsemeat.
A spokesman for the group said that this was a "dark day in horseracing, darker that that day when it was really dark most of the day. I think we had an eclipse or something."
The testing is part of an ongoing program to make sure all sports participants are "playing within the rules, no matter how unattainable and restrictive they may be."
The four entrants, 'Head Cheese,' 'Tommy's Ding Dong,' 'Vinyl Holiday' and 'Mom's Taller than You' will be fined several bags of oats and retroactively disqualified from the race, which they didn't win anyway.
The jockeys of the horses denied knowing anything about the horsemeat, asserting that they were sure the horses were "just made of regular meat."
Several racing officials from third world nations offered stern warnings that any horses testing positive for horsemeat in their nation "would be eaten. We mean beaten. Rather, warned harshly to stop. " and added "No, I guess we meant eaten."