Written by Ossurworld
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Thursday, 23 May 2013

VATICAN CITY- In a shameless move to win a papal dispensation, the Boston Celtics signed Pope Francis as a replacement for Kevin Garnett.

The Celtics don't expect the Pope, who will wear Number One, to walk on water, but they do expect him to perform at least one miracle to bring the team another banner.

Of course, Garnett may resurrect for another season and make the pontiff merely another benchwarmer for Doc Rivers.

One of the Celtics limited minority owners met the Pope and gave him a jersey, looking for forgiveness. A minority owner in Boston is never a Catholic, but James Pallotta needs to apply.

Since Celtics prayers have been unanswered for the past few seasons, ownership may be looking to petition the Holy Father with prayer.

Pope Francis reportedly is a Heat fan, but showed good sportsmanship when faced with one of many empty Celtics jerseys that fans have seen lately.

Observers of the Celtics note that Rajon Rondo may not take lightly the notion that another fashionplate will rival his own Messiah-ship of the team-- and wardrobe of flowing robes.

Rondo expects to have his resurrection in the upcoming season after giving the team a sermon on Beacon Hill.

Worse, Rondo has learned that the Pope will wear the Shoes of the Fisherman on the court. Heretofore, only Rondo could wear the specially designed fluorescent slippers of a pontiff.

Pope Rondo IX may mean there shall be three popes (Francis, Benedict, and Rajon) during the upcoming Celtics season.

You can never have too many unanswered prayers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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