How long has Gronk had a weak back? Oh, about a week back.
After a career going arm-in-arm with fellow tight end Aaron Hernandez, Gronk appears to be going back-to-back with doctors.
Now we have heard the rumor that the ill-fated superstar of the New England Patriots is finding surgeons are lining up for a blitz. And, Gronk is playing on the gurney without a helmet.
After learning he may need two more surgeries on his infected forearm, we hear that Rob Gronkowski has always had a bad back too.
Apparently tumbling on stages in a drunken stupor has an adverse effect on spinal columns. We would never have guessed.
That long contract signed last year begins to look like the proverbial albatross hanging on Bill Belichick's neck. How quickly we find highway robbers switch roles. At first the Patriots had a steal, and now Gronk's insurance may prove to be a retirement annuity.
We have not come to bury Gronk, but cue the pallbearers.
Whether Gronk turns out to be the hero of the Patriots franchise, only his surgeon can tell. The twin tight ends of Gronk and Hernandez may have a shorter lifespan than the Gold Dust Twins of Fred Lynn and Jim Rice for the Red Sox so many generations ago before they were torn asunder.
Cock-eyed optimists are still hopeful that the Gronk's medical miseries are merely the lore of a Dumb and Dumber script. Every stooge has a pratfall now and then.
All we know is that a bad back may put a crimp even in the career of a budding adult film star, let alone the Patriots' living legend.
Spinal surgery actually frightens us.