Written by Ossurworld
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Rob Gronkowski

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Like Typhoid Mary, Rob Gronkowski appears to be a walking infection. Next time you have an opportunity to kiss Gronk, you may want to walk away, better off unsatisfied.

If you prefer to shake his hand, you may want to wear plastic gloves.

Granted, no one wants a metal or plastic plate in his forearm. In some circles of fine dining, they will not allow a metal or plastic plate anywhere near the dinner table.

The New England Patriot playboy of the Eastern Conference seems to have more bad luck than Derrick Rose. Gronk may be whispering "Rosebud" on the operating table.

It now appears that Gronk will have a fourth and possibly fifth surgery before summer's rays fade.

We are not sure if Gronk's propensity to infection comes from bad blood or bad genes, or perhaps bad dancing. He's just oozing life after each operation.

Though the matter has not yet turned into road show version of Camille, Gronk may start to cause teammates to avoid associating with him, lest they catch what ails him.

How many turns around the operating table does it take a tight end to loosen up?

Coach Bill Belichick may want to put Gronk in a plastic bubble until the season starts, or even Michael Jackson's old parabolic chamber.
Patriots fans may begin to realize that Gronk is no Iron Man, despite the metal in his arm and the mettle in his heart.

We feel like we are singing in a third rate production of a Kurt Weill operetta when Mack the Knife starts looking past Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown and eyes that tall Patriot may have done something rash.

Make Ossurworld's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 3?

2 4 7 18

Go to top