Manchester United manager Sarah Ferguson is to retire at the end of the season. In her statement Fergie declared: 'The Queen has let it be known that I should no longer indulge in Association Football as Rugby Football is the only game (apart from Polo) that someone of my stature should participate in'.
Premiership Football Managers are heaving sighs of relief as it is generally believed Manchester United's tally of points will be halved with Fergie's departure. Premiership Manager Sam Irons explained: 'Referees were scared of Fergie, so they gave Man Utd suspect penalties while ignoring pleas from visiting teams after obvious fouls in the penalty area.'
Members of the Royal Family have also felt the lash of Fergie's violent tongue. The Queen once felt the full 'Fergie Force' after one of her sons, when tripped in the penalty area was sent off by the ref with Fergie's encouragement.
'One has suffered greatly from the Fergie phenomenon' the Queen declared to her butler in an injudicious aside.
The Queen has previously come to grief when Crystal Palace Manager, Di Spencer, ditched another son, Charlie Hollencrnzi, after moving to a series of other clubs.