Written by Ossurworld
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Thursday, 2 May 2013

CHICAGO-After nearly a century of blissful failure in their marriage, the city of Chicago and their beloved Cubbies may be coming apart at the baseball seams.

Threats of divorce with no settlement are always a bad sign when the bickering couple has thrown out the children fans with the dirty bathwater from Lake Michigan.

Now the Cubs are ready to find shelter with some city where battered teams feel safe at home.

The nuptials are among the longest in baseball history between a storied franchise and their home-wrecking city.

There is no co-respondent in this case. Apparently Seattle is not the interested party trying to seduce the Cubs and their haggard team to a lively west coast city. Seattle is the co-respondent in the Sacramento divorce between that city and their not-so-beloved Kings.

The banks of the local lake may be overflowing with misery before long. The real trouble comes from the kids across the street that have their rooftop boxes and don't want to see the old homestead desecrated with a scoreboard facing the wrong way.

Observers contend that the trouble between the city and the team has come for reasons other than an empty nest.

Deadbeats and scavengers seem to come out in the daytime at Wrigley.
The pigsty Cubs home is not a place to park a flock of scavenger seagulls, let alone the grandchildren of Ernie Banks.

If the city has cleaned house, it is merely to grab some taxes from the overtaxed team. If the fans could be granted a divorce, the grounds would be mental cruelty. As it is, the grounds are simply outdated and unclean.

Divorce expert Theo Epstein represents the Cubs, and saved Fenway Park a decade ago from being divorced by Boston. He has been brought in to save Wrigley, though the conditions are considered more advanced than the Monster case at Fenway.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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