Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 1 May 2013

image for Former Boston Celtics Player Comes Out of The Sports Closet and Admits He's Gay
Jason Collins says that he can bounce the ball just as good if not better than straight players. (Photo by John Boehner).

WASHINGTON, D.C. - There has been all kinds of innuendo, speculation, and rumors as to who would be the first player from one of the four professional sports to come out of the closet.

Well ladies and gentlemen, you can hold your calls as we have a winner. Jason Collins, the 7-foot center who began the season with the Boston Celtics has just announced that he is gay.

The 34-year-old, 255 pound Collins stated to the sports media that he could no longer hide the fact that he is a little bit different than players like LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, and Carmelo Anthony.

He went on to say that he knew that there was something a little unusual when he would look at the gorgeously sexy NBA cheerleaders and not even think about wanting to hug them, kiss them, or do the horizontal rah rah rah with them.

Collins was asked if he liked the music of the Village People, an all gay band. He smiled and said that it was alright but that he really preferred to hear songs by Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, and Adele.

Jason now plays for the Washington Wizards. He says that even though they ended up with a (29-53) record he hopes to help them get much farther next year.

Collins, who wears number 98, was asked if he had talked to his coach Randy Wittman about his sexual preference.

He giggled and replied that he had. He said that at first the coach's eyes got as big as ping pong balls. But the coach then told him that his being gay did not matter one bit.

He did add that if he had told him that he was an atheist then he would have had a very serious problem with that and would have probably traded his butt quicker than he could say Penn Gillette (an avowed atheist).

SIDENOTE: Fellow Wizard player Emeka Okafor (#50) said that he wishes Collins the best of luck with his basketball playing. He then grinned and winked as he said that at least he knows Jason won't be distracted by the Washington Wizard cheerleaders.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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