Written by John_L
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Tuesday, 23 April 2013

image for Action group ask for Luis Suarez to be culled
Players of similar mental age to Luis Suarez

A group of people from West London have petitioned government about the possibility of culling Liverpool Striker Luis Suarez.

The move comes after the Uruguayan bit the Chelsea player Branislav Ivanovic during Sunday's Premier League match. Madge Guster the president of the Mothers Union said "We do know that it is rare for footballers to bite but it has now happened. I think that Luis Suarez should be culled before he bites a small child."

Others have called for Suarez to be stung up by the naughty bits although he has gained a lot of support from the much maligned group of Liverpool supporters known as the Full Kit Wankers. Fans who on a daily basis turn out in full Liverpool Strip of Shirt, Shorts and Socks. Mark King Kenny Forever Blackstone who changed his name by deed poll is one of the ring leaders of this group and currently wears a full Liverpool kit with Suarez' name and number on it down to the shin pads. "Ay like Luis was just doing what comes naturally. You want to go down to Bootle on a Friday night and see all the biting that goes on. It just showed like he is one of us. Ay and don't forget us Kopites are every bit as hard as them there Milwall lot just come up and try us then you'll find out about biting."

So far there has been no official word on the planned cull although the method that would be used has been hinted at by the governments chief pest control officer as being decapitation.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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