Written by Ossurworld
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Monday, 15 April 2013

Red Sox Manager John Farrell has joined the medical community of Sox managers who make a diagnosis.

If you recall, Terry Francona famously declared that his ace pitcher Josh Beckett suffered from the slings and arrows of "intestinal turmoil."

That understatement made medical history. The Red Sox clubhouse was considered gutless and out of control under the former manager. Others felt the root cause of such turmoil was too much beer and fried chicken wings.

Francona's lexicon went into the history books as a medical marvel.

Not to be outdone this weekend, in his maiden voyage as a Red Sox manager, John Farrell, the Dudley Do-Right of Boston leaders, addressed the continued void of David Ortiz.

The Sox DH is in jeopardy of forfeiting a chunk of change because of his Achilles heel not responding to rest and relaxation.

When Ortiz missed a minor league game to prepare him for major league duty, the media was all over Dudley Do-Right who proudly announced that Ortiz suffered from the slings and arrows of sinus gunk.

This vile illness seems to resemble something fulvous (not mellow) yellow, whereas Beckett's colorful sickness was more of a Beantown brown hue.

Boston media experts and insiders had to scramble to their medical dictionaries to discern the subtle differences between intestinal turmoil and sinus gunk. Both terms fall under the category, "Hypochondria."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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