Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 3 April 2013

image for Phil Jackson Changes His Mind About Wanting To Be The Lakers Coach
Phil Jackson says that Charles Barkley's head is twice as big as an NBA basketball (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

LOS ANGELES - Sporting Chance Magazine is reporting that Phil Jackson has stated that he has changed his mind about getting back into NBA coaching.

Jackson talked with Sherwood Frisbee of SCM and said that he cannot believe how badly the Lakers have imploded.

He remarked that with all of the injuries they have, they are lucky that they aren't being blown out every game.

Jackson shook his head and noted that a few short weeks ago he was ready to take the Laker reins and lead them into the playoffs.

But the man known as the Lakers Zenmaster states now that there is just no way in Tinsel Town that even Kobe The Magician can work his mumbo jumbo and get the purple and gold boys into the playoffs.

Jackson was told about Charles Barkley's remarks about him saying that he blames the Laker woes on The Curse of Shaquille.

Coach Phil laughed, touched his eyeglasses, and said, "Look, let's be specific here. Barkley is nothing but a washed up has-been who is so desperate for attention that he has to pick on overweight San Antonio Spurs female fans."

Jackson went on. "Well to be perfectly honest have you gotten a look at Fat Boy's mama - hey, I'm talking Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey. The Maybelline Mama makes Nicki Minaj look as plain as vanilla."

He was asked if he didn't feel that he was being a bit harsh on Charles by attacking his mama.

Jackson shook his head and replied, "Hell no! Not in the least. Think about this. When the fat brutha criticizes overweight Spurs female fans is he stopping to think that each one of those women is someone's mother, someone's daughter, someone's sister, and even someone's wife? NO!"

Coach Phil went on to say that Charles "The Human Volcano" Barkley is nothing but a grade school bully in a grown man's body.

He then grinned and noted that "Chubby" Barkley needs to adhere to Julia Childs saying, "If you can't take it - then don't dish it out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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